Evanston 4th of July Parade of Junk: "Don't Hassle Me, I'm Local..." 4:23 PM

This year I was excited about my parade post. I missed last year. Because of the Grateful Dead appearances, the erratic weather and people's general crazed attitudes, I thought that the parade might morph into an actual party atmosphere. I thought the streets might be filled with partying people and even some lost Dead Heads. Even my neighbors had hired a local lame cover band to play 70 and 80s rock anthems in his backyard most of last night with his cobbled together garage festooned with xmas lights playing the back of the stage.
Ermm. Didn't happen.
By the way, the covers band was a huge improvement over the usual. The other neighbors backyard party playlist is two things: German polka and Mexican Tejano music played on random. Nothing else. For hours.
I maintain you can tell a lot about who's going to the parade by their pre-parade setup.
There were several categories this year.

Veteran Parade Goers: Saving Your Place With Stuff You Hate
The damp ground and rains have brought this category back in full force. No one is stealing these peoples spots if it means touching that ugly crap.


If you look closely its a big loose bathrobe and a knit shawl. Call me soft-hearted, but I'm sure Grandma might miss that.


Purple Afghan from Aunties church bazaar. Ugh. That is a good choice.


Car Seat and Toy Truck placeholders.
Your kids are not going to appreciate that you left their Tonka truck and half a car seat out for 3 days to save your parade spot.


Making Your Spot Scary and Dangerous


A Classic. Caution Tape.

And if you kind of throw it around it looks more foreboding.

 A New Entry: Wild Attack Dogs
Yes, you can't tell at first but these Yorkies tethered to their master's spot have been trained to take off a grown man's arm in seconds if he reaches for those chairs. In the moments that followed those little furred demons had that poor kid down on the concrete by the throat. I'm sure they are still hosing down the blood on the sidewalk.


Duck Tape.
It doesn't get weirder and more messed up than that, dude.


Fifty Shades of Grey Chairs.
Tied up with miles of rope, bicycle locks and if that weren't enough, right next to the "no parking or get your butt towed" notice.


And scariest yet. NO WAY I'm sitting in front of these guys!! Aiiiieeeeeeeee.

Last Category: Completely Confusing

The OMG Family. They need to cram everyone into the space saved cause OMG, there might not be room!!! Quick Hurry!!! There are signs with their names in ALL CAPS on the back of each chair!!!

Anarchist
Yes, the parade is behind me but I'm setting up this way. Fuck off.


Confused With The Lalapalooza VIP Lounge
Theres a million laminated signs saying "Jackson Family". WOW. Who in hell are they?
I was approached by these nice people who were visiting from Detroit. He was wondering if he should hang around and ask for autographs. They also marveled that all this trash was out for days and no one stole it.


Fitness Addict
They are going to do old school step ups and sneak some Yoga in since this stupid holiday interfered with their Cross Fit Class.


Really? Inside the bus stop? Really?


Mom had this kid out wiping down chairs in his PJ's. Damn! I thought my Mom was tough.


Improper Use of Interns
In front of the Realtor they have used the staff to tape off sections. Much like applying a fill to an Excel sheet with a shaded field. And apparently Lou is in charge on the staff and wants the premium spot. Or else he was pissed he didn't get one last year. Dammit! Wheres that kid with my latte??

After seeing all this Shane and I did the sensible thing and visited friends to avoid the chaos. Happy Fourth of July!!

There Goes The Neighborhood; The Evanston 4th of July Parade Setup 7:55 PM

This year I scampered out to document the "chair invasion" on Evanston early. The legal time for people to start staking their spots was 6 a.m. July 1st and parade goers take this so seriously I'm reminded of my history teacher describing the gold rush. Or perhaps it was Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale.
I ventured out at noon on July 1st and was not disappointed that most spots were filled in interesting ways.
This year's parade stakeouts still revealed the rich (and unraveling) tapestry that is the 2013 Evanston parade attendees.

Depressed

Well, I got the blanket out and started to tape the area off, but what is the point of it all. Sigh.

Depressed and Antisocial

Maybe if I get this corner with concrete around it, people won't get too close. 

Paranoid

Look. I know all you people have your eye on these bad boy chairs from Walgreens but forget it! They are triple cabled, staked and padlocked down. If I can just find that key and my taser gun...

Someone Confusing The Parade for Lalapalooza

I was lucky enough to actually MEET the people setting up another row of chairs to their already claimed territory. She explained brightly with the enthusiasm of the truly sleep deprived that they show up at 3 am every year to set up their chairs and guard them until the legal 6 am set up time. After which she goes home to get a nap and MORE CHAIRS. I smile an nod as I back away carefully trying not to make sudden moves from her as she wildly waves "See you at the parade!!!!" 

Someone is Just Going to Be Confused

If you're going to label a chair it has to be in a language. Of some kind.

Don't Hassle Me, I'm Local

A new entry this year is us poor schmucks who live on Central street trying to keep people out of our yard. This guy is desperately trying to claim his own yard. Its not uncommon to have people grilling and drag coolers into the yard as their children flick cigarette butts into the flower beds. And its really uncomfortable trying to get them to leave as they make small talk on how easy it is to steal identities online.

Anal Retentive

These people had color coded name badges emailed to them for their section to go with the parade itinerary and historical handout. If you're late, expect to be demoted to the blue row.

Bad Planning

Ok, so you used packing tape and your car to mark off your area and that works for a couple days. So forget what the tape is doing to the finish on your car, what happens if you move your car? And you can see by the "No Parking Sign" right in front of your car, you will have to move it eventually. Hmmm.

TMI

Do I want to know what the bucket is for?

Too Many Trips to the Party Store

Between the banners, flags and decorative garland, its easy to miss that someone has gone to the effort to wrap the bricks weighing down the chairs in red and blue paper. Yikes!

Hardcore New Age Evanstonians

We have carefully placed wooden chairs out front to show our support of natural and renewable resources. The children's chairs are hand painted ones received as a gift from the small South American village we spend each spring break at working on their sewage system. We are so hoping there is more ethnic diversity in the parade this year.

Busy CEO Setup

There was no way I was letting that little weasel from HR tell me I'm not spending quality time with my family. I sent DHL out with my chairs and I know they are set up because I got en email confirming the delivery and I didn't even have to leave my desk.

DANGER AND THIEVERY

Under Construction

"Borrowed" from the parking lot that they are adding blacktop to.

Under Construction

"Borrowed" from the parade route staff.

An Old Favorite: Caution Tape

Nothing keeps people guessing and out of your area like caution tape.

Bilingual Caution Tape

Ay carumba! Que peligroso la Parade de Evanston! 

Over the top: Crime Scene Tape

OK. You are not fooling anyone unless the blue chairs did something really, really bad. This may actually have the reverse affect and encourage people to mess with your stuff.

Save Up for Your Kid's Therapy

Yeah, the Barbie jump ropes were probably the easiest thing to find, but are the 5 yr olds going to understand why they can't use them for 3 days just because you were too lazy to find the bungy cords from last year?

Crunchy Birds 6:39 PM

Its so hard to understand that Harry just wants to bite the birds cause they are so fun and crunchy when he looks out the window so longingly.

Wanna wanna wanna 6:08 PM

Harry has no problem expressing himself- despite a lack of human speech. He is showing his "wanna wanna" face

Cat Chronicles: Instinct, Electricity And Harry 3:13 PM

Harry was become an interesting example of instinct. Most people will tell you about the amazing communication skills or reasoning power of their cherished pet. They will mistakenly tell you about the superior nature of their pets and the great training they have given their pet. Harry is really curious and I'm told that this is a result of a strong hunting instinct.

Harry has, without any help from his owners, channelled his instinct into a new sleep depriving skill - he can turn on the bedroom light. Last night he jumped up onto my husband's end table and chewed on the light switch persistently enough to get it flipped on.

Harry was so jazzed with his new ability that he ran in circles. Let's face it - in the cat world this is the equivalent of discovering you have super powers so I can imagine I would also spin in joyous circles.

"CUTE", you're thinking.

Yes, its cute until you realize that its 2:15 in the morning. I may have to find new things to teach Harry.

Cat Chronicles: Never Turn Your Back On A Cat In The Kitchen 2:08 PM

Please note large cat sized hole through plastic used to "Hoover" the meat out.

My back was turned for the time required to reach for a ziploc bag. The slurping sound alerted me. The cat has a cloaking device and is capable of stealth mode.

Cat Chronicles: No Harry! Not now! 3:02 PM

Flailing Cat-Cam

Starting Week Three.

In addition to adjusting to the constant lack of sleep, I've had to adjust to cat playtime. Those of you with dogs know that you are invited to play. Panting, whining, scratching, getting a ball roughly shoved into your leg or crotch are all ways you are asked to play. 

A cat's invitation to play is as subtle as a drive by shooting. In most cases I don't know we are playing until we are deep into the heat of battle. This week there is a strong similarity to Cato in the Pink Panther Movies and my charge Harry. As you can easily guess that makes me Clouseau and I am feeling more and more of that bad french accent creeping through. Just like the Pather movie's Cato, Harry will lunge out of a dark corner on high attack mode while I bumble through an attack counter move. My darling Harry launches himself on me, ears back, both feet forward diving into some unprotected body part. After swearing I end up realizing "Oh, right, we're playing". 

I will be trying to price some jewelry for an upcoming show only to have him abruptly dive into a nearby ziplock bag and delightedly seize a pearled laden strand to bite. Only a quick kick of the floor pillow makes him distracted enough for me to snatch the necklace back unshredded. "Harry Nooooo!" has become such a repetitive phrase I suspect he thinks this IS his name.

He also like to steal whatever I have touched last, sport watch, elastic hair bands, earrings are all targets. I discovered my iPhone is too heavy for him to make off with but was fascinated to see him try and work it off the coffee table grabbing at it with his front claws while standing on his back legs. Shane nudged me out of my stupor saying "Um, is that a good idea to let him do that?" 

At night the play is more dramatic because I am usually unconscious when Harry has thought I am wanting to play. Apparently rolling over is secret signal for "dive onto me from the highest furniture across the room." 

In order to prolong all our lives, Harry has been officially banned from the bedroom at night. I suspect that he will pay attention to this as much as Clouseau's Cato did his admonishments "No Cato! Not now!" Harry noooooooo!