Ermm. Didn't happen.
By the way, the covers band was a huge improvement over the usual. The other neighbors backyard party playlist is two things: German polka and Mexican Tejano music played on random. Nothing else. For hours.
I maintain you can tell a lot about who's going to the parade by their pre-parade setup.
There were several categories this year.
Veteran Parade Goers: Saving Your Place With Stuff You Hate
The damp ground and rains have brought this category back in full force. No one is stealing these peoples spots if it means touching that ugly crap.
If you look closely its a big loose bathrobe and a knit shawl. Call me soft-hearted, but I'm sure Grandma might miss that.
Purple Afghan from Aunties church bazaar. Ugh. That is a good choice.
Car Seat and Toy Truck placeholders.
Your kids are not going to appreciate that you left their Tonka truck and half a car seat out for 3 days to save your parade spot.
Making Your Spot Scary and Dangerous
A Classic. Caution Tape.
And if you kind of throw it around it looks more foreboding.
A New Entry: Wild Attack Dogs
Yes, you can't tell at first but these Yorkies tethered to their master's spot have been trained to take off a grown man's arm in seconds if he reaches for those chairs. In the moments that followed those little furred demons had that poor kid down on the concrete by the throat. I'm sure they are still hosing down the blood on the sidewalk.
Duck Tape.
It doesn't get weirder and more messed up than that, dude.
Fifty Shades of Grey Chairs.
Tied up with miles of rope, bicycle locks and if that weren't enough, right next to the "no parking or get your butt towed" notice.
And scariest yet. NO WAY I'm sitting in front of these guys!! Aiiiieeeeeeeee.
Last Category: Completely Confusing
The OMG Family. They need to cram everyone into the space saved cause OMG, there might not be room!!! Quick Hurry!!! There are signs with their names in ALL CAPS on the back of each chair!!!
Yes, the parade is behind me but I'm setting up this way. Fuck off.
Confused With The Lalapalooza VIP Lounge
Theres a million laminated signs saying "Jackson Family". WOW. Who in hell are they?
I was approached by these nice people who were visiting from Detroit. He was wondering if he should hang around and ask for autographs. They also marveled that all this trash was out for days and no one stole it.
Fitness Addict
They are going to do old school step ups and sneak some Yoga in since this stupid holiday interfered with their Cross Fit Class.
Really? Inside the bus stop? Really?
Mom had this kid out wiping down chairs in his PJ's. Damn! I thought my Mom was tough.
Improper Use of Interns
In front of the Realtor they have used the staff to tape off sections. Much like applying a fill to an Excel sheet with a shaded field. And apparently Lou is in charge on the staff and wants the premium spot. Or else he was pissed he didn't get one last year. Dammit! Wheres that kid with my latte??
After seeing all this Shane and I did the sensible thing and visited friends to avoid the chaos. Happy Fourth of July!!
