Cat Chronicles: No Harry! Not now! 3:02 PM

Flailing Cat-Cam

Starting Week Three.

In addition to adjusting to the constant lack of sleep, I've had to adjust to cat playtime. Those of you with dogs know that you are invited to play. Panting, whining, scratching, getting a ball roughly shoved into your leg or crotch are all ways you are asked to play. 

A cat's invitation to play is as subtle as a drive by shooting. In most cases I don't know we are playing until we are deep into the heat of battle. This week there is a strong similarity to Cato in the Pink Panther Movies and my charge Harry. As you can easily guess that makes me Clouseau and I am feeling more and more of that bad french accent creeping through. Just like the Pather movie's Cato, Harry will lunge out of a dark corner on high attack mode while I bumble through an attack counter move. My darling Harry launches himself on me, ears back, both feet forward diving into some unprotected body part. After swearing I end up realizing "Oh, right, we're playing". 

I will be trying to price some jewelry for an upcoming show only to have him abruptly dive into a nearby ziplock bag and delightedly seize a pearled laden strand to bite. Only a quick kick of the floor pillow makes him distracted enough for me to snatch the necklace back unshredded. "Harry Nooooo!" has become such a repetitive phrase I suspect he thinks this IS his name.

He also like to steal whatever I have touched last, sport watch, elastic hair bands, earrings are all targets. I discovered my iPhone is too heavy for him to make off with but was fascinated to see him try and work it off the coffee table grabbing at it with his front claws while standing on his back legs. Shane nudged me out of my stupor saying "Um, is that a good idea to let him do that?" 

At night the play is more dramatic because I am usually unconscious when Harry has thought I am wanting to play. Apparently rolling over is secret signal for "dive onto me from the highest furniture across the room." 

In order to prolong all our lives, Harry has been officially banned from the bedroom at night. I suspect that he will pay attention to this as much as Clouseau's Cato did his admonishments "No Cato! Not now!" Harry noooooooo!

Cat Chronicles: 5:30 am, Bacon and Cat safe zones 10:56 AM

Week two into our cat cohabitation finds us, like most adoptive parents, adapting to being perpetually sleep deprived and besotted with our charge.

It turns out the little guy has an obsession with food far beyond most cats. He will routinely snort down all his and any other food he could get his teeth into. Unfortunately for Harry he has been adopted by trainers. We ordered healthy organic minimally processed cat food and bonita fish snacks. This cat karma has already resulted in measured food on a time schedule along with exercise oriented toys. Weighing my fur friend once a week and a cat health log was started. If only Oprah was a cat at our house, you say, there would be no problems. 

However there are times only the superior training of a ninja can stand between a cat and - BACON.

As part of my glamorous trainer lifestyle, I was making dinner at 5:30 am and got a little crazy deciding to put some cooked bacon into my insanely healthy poblano pepper, roasted corn, tofu soup. For those out there who are raising an eyebrow, yes, nitrate free, antibiotic free, swine who roamed freely on a green sustainable farm. I think the pig's name was Bob who had a high quality of life, his favorite color was green and he loved Coldplay. Hope that proves how sensitive I am to the pig's life.

I should have noticed the cat circling the floor in front of the microwave as it defrosted but the lack sleep is making me as punchy as an air traffic controller pulling a second shift.

Many moons ago I took some martial arts classes and I managed to irritate my sensei enough to be assigned rudimentary blow block drills and shadow boxing until I could focus. Or shut up. Neither happened. It was his version of sending the unruly recruit running circles around the platoon, gun over your head. While this revelation shocks none of you, those sweaty repetitive drills saved my bacon this morning - quite literally.

In my early morning distracted state I had placed food on the counter in a designated "Cat accessible Zone."

 "Cat accessible Zone Example"

Please Note the Cat Clearly Visible in the "Cat Accessible Zone"

There a two small "Cat safe Zones". My husband has patiently explained to me this is simply because Harry doesn't know about those areas yet.

The cat with a stealth I've only seen in wire suspended actors in Jet Li movies, suddenly popped onto the counter as I was slicing the bacon. The orange striped blur was just a movement in the edge of peripheral vision on the crowded counter. The automatic elbow block held harry back, scuttling backwards noisily into the coffee maker in frustration. Fear not, all the bacon made it into the soup. 

Cat Chronicles: Cat Owners Don't Sleep 3:42 AM

I will not go into the long and convoluted explanation on how it happened, but we have a cat. Now when I say we have a cat, I mean we have a roommate with orange tabby markings. At least that's how he sees it.

We thought that a 1 1/2 yr old cat would bypass some of the more annoying kitten stages while still maximizing our cat shelf-life. So Henri the Tab moved in - Harry to us and his friends.

However we have two small problems, he is still a young cat and he is smart. Smart enough to keep us sleep deprived, dazed and muttering the phrase "what can he come up with today?"

His favorite thing so far are sinks. He never tires of trying to find where the water goes down the drain. Unfortunately it never ceases to scare me when he springs effortlessly into the kitchen sink and jams his little paw into the disposal up to his shoulder. A new "cat-proof" drainer was purchased.

His lounging in the bathroom sink provides for interesting toothbrush scenes. Flossing is almost a martial arts drill in defensive maneuvers. He's been examining the faucet with great intensity so I'm expecting phone calls from the neighbors about water dripping though the ceiling while we're at work.

So far the biggest challenge has been Harry's preferred breakfast time. The factory settings for the little guy has been 4 am. Daylight savings cranked that back to 3 am this Sunday since it's not like Harry's clock changes like all my other computer gadgets. So far I've managed a stand off at 5 am which still results in much whining, crying and other cat tantrums. I'm pretty sure he's wearing me down as I stumble through my work day in a daze. So much for skipping the annoying stages.

When sharing this with another cat owner, she looked at me with a surprised look and said, "You realize cat owners don't sleep? Did you forget that part?" 

Yes, I did.